sweet triumph

I started telling stories when I was in Grade Six. One of my best friends and I had a "running" scary story about our batchmates. We made some of them into monsters (like an aswang), some were victims, one of them was a doctor (Dr. Chingchong). Whenever we were together we'd just talk and add parts to it, develop characters and relationships, act out scenes. It's like gossiping about other people except doing it more creatively haha. We never wrote it down, but my friend made a comic strip for one of the characters. Good times.

I think that was where it all started. When I got to college, I started writing short stories. I did it secretly. I pressed Alt+Tab whenever someone was coming. I wrote and printed all of them and had them bound. I have three hardbound books, two collection of short stories and one novel. Aside from that, I have a collection of 50 poems that I never got to print. The books are in one of the cabinets in my bedroom, hidden away.

I tried joining all sorts of things. Contests, workshops, organizations, publications. Nothing happened-- for almost a decade.  It was a long exhausting fight to make myself better and to prove to myself that I can write. I bought and read books and internet articles on the basics of writing. Two years ago, I joined a year long poetry clinic held by LIRA. It was open for everyone. We had lectures and workshops during weekends and I got to know a lot of people with the same interest. At the end of it, I was accepted as a probationary member of the organization, which means I still need to improve a lot. I also subscribed to the internet writing workshop to improve my writing skills in English. Then, of course, I started this blog.

I remember one night, I was thinking about everything I was doing and where my life was going. I felt so tired of my life.  I began crying. I muffled my wails with a pillow. I was so worn out and hopeless, I got rejected every time I tried.  My life was a big failure.  Sooner or later I will have to give this up and I didn't know what to do.

They say that the darkest hour is right before dawn. I was ready to throw in the towel when I received a text message saying that one of my entries to a nationwide storywriting contest won. They were going to publish it into a children's book.  They assigned an artist to illustrate my story and they need me to meet with them within the next few weeks to discuss the production.  Best of all, the stories that won will serve as a way to educate children about health.

I attended the awarding ceremony last week. I got a medal and some more prizes. One of the organizers said that people cried when they read my story. I thanked her and she thanked me for joining. I felt so overwhelmed, I cried in front of her. This is it. I'm in heaven.

I remembered Steve Jobs' speech about the dots connecting. It was amazing. I never thought my volunteer and writing efforts would one day be connected. The story that I wrote was based on a girl that I took care of in a summer camp for special children. Thank you, Kaye.

I'm glad that I kept going and I never gave up. I almost did though. It's very hard to dedicate yourself to something that doesn't guarantee any returns. It drained me emotionally, mentally and physically. But I'm happy that I took the risk and it paid off big. I'm grateful that my prayers were answered and I had one sister that believed in me. Thank you, Sherl. Thank you very much for encouraging me and critiquing my work and just being there for me.

For those other writers out there, please don't give up. Just keep working on your craft and keep improving yourself. Continue studying and being committed to the work.  Be open to criticism and never stop learning.  Get out and experience life, soon you'll see the dots connecting.  Most of all, pray and be sure to share your blessings, believe in others as well :).

@ the awarding ceremony