We were celebrating my mother's birthday last weekend when some guests arrived. They brought their daughter. You can tell she was forced to come along. She was sulking, she didn't talk to anyone, I don't even recall her greeting my mom (yet she didn't need anyone to force her to eat the food). The whole thing felt "heavy" because of her attitude. And it wasn't even her party.
That day I got to watch (front row seat) how I was when I was a kid. The silences and the pout-- they're so familiar. I think I still have those moments until now, but it was worse when I was young. Now I realize just how awful it was. So selfish. I didn't even think about the others, that it was their time to enjoy as well, I was just so concerned with myself.
This is one of the things I really like about growing older. You get to learn a lot -- about yourself and more importantly about life. You become more aware. It's painful to see your faults, but I'd rather see them than be blind and continue being awful. I'd rather admit to myself that I'm not as good as I think I am and then work on becoming better. Getting a good hard knock on the head. Yes, I'm still enrolled at that school. I think we all are. Do you think we'll ever graduate?
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